[email protected]  +92 333-6113302

Parenting

Parenting

  • Event : Parenting with Salman Asif Siddiqui

 An unhealthy mix of care and competition

Children demand a lot of care and attention in the early years of their lives but excess of everything is wrong. It’s true that Pakistani mothers and grandmothers are amongst the most caring ones in the world. Every now and then their hearts melt as their children wail. While this sympathetic state is laudable in some scenarios, it should be cautiously monitored, mitigated, perhaps even avoided at times – just like the one mentioned earlier. The situation is a self-witnessed, perfect display of negative attention for a child, the pitch and duration of his tantrum will most likely increase the next time he is denied access to passive screen time on his desired gadget.

By giving instant and unwarranted attention to the child’s inappropriate behaviour, we are negatively reinforcing the notion that crying and yelling can grant him anything he wishes. The rage and frustration in the child build up with time as we increasingly reward him for his negative behaviour.

Giving in to such tantrums is a direct consequence of the utmost care and pampering that most Pakistani parents provide to their children. Likewise, it can also result from one or more parents’ inability to tolerate the crying sound for more than a certain duration of time. Acting readily – at times blindly – in accordance with the child’s wishes seems the easy way out during that moment of tension, at times frustration, when one is trying hard to gather himself after a long day at work.

While doing so, we fail to realise that our instant submissive reaction at that moment will negatively build upon our child’s moral instincts and social behaviour. Sadly, this is exactly what our grandmothers and their mothers have practised with their kids and grandkids – particularly boys – in the yesteryears.

This unhealthy dose of care and attention, even during times when it should be totally avoided, is one of the reasons that build up rage and impatience in children. We often wonder if this aspect of upbringing is perhaps what makes us so intolerant, annoyed, and disgruntled as a nation, especially every time something goes against our wishes. It seems that we’ve been born incapable of practising actual self-control and patience. We strongly believe that the amalgamation of a child’s emotions and character in the future is dependent on how his parents reacted to his behaviours – good or bad – particularly, in the early years of his/her life.

It certainly takes a village to raise a child, as an old African proverb goes. We need to ensure that in the village of various behaviours, challenging or rewarding, we play our part well.