Parenting
- Event : Parenting with Salman Asif Siddiqui
 An unhealthy mix of care and competition
By giving instant and unwarranted attention to the childâs inappropriate behaviour, we are negatively reinforcing the notion that crying and yelling can grant him anything he wishes. The rage and frustration in the child build up with time as we increasingly reward him for his negative behaviour.
Giving in to such tantrums is a direct consequence of the utmost care and pampering that most Pakistani parents provide to their children. Likewise, it can also result from one or more parentsâ inability to tolerate the crying sound for more than a certain duration of time. Acting readily â at times blindly â in accordance with the childâs wishes seems the easy way out during that moment of tension, at times frustration, when one is trying hard to gather himself after a long day at work.
While doing so, we fail to realise that our instant submissive reaction at that moment will negatively build upon our childâs moral instincts and social behaviour. Sadly, this is exactly what our grandmothers and their mothers have practised with their kids and grandkids â particularly boys â in the yesteryears.
This unhealthy dose of care and attention, even during times when it should be totally avoided, is one of the reasons that build up rage and impatience in children. We often wonder if this aspect of upbringing is perhaps what makes us so intolerant, annoyed, and disgruntled as a nation, especially every time something goes against our wishes. It seems that weâve been born incapable of practising actual self-control and patience. We strongly believe that the amalgamation of a childâs emotions and character in the future is dependent on how his parents reacted to his behaviours â good or bad â particularly, in the early years of his/her life.
It certainly takes a village to raise a child, as an old African proverb goes. We need to ensure that in the village of various behaviours, challenging or rewarding, we play our part well.